Room Without A View

Out of all my experiences in France so far, the one that I have regrettably appreciated the least has been my living situation. I currently rent a large bedroom that I found early on through Airbnb, and I’ve lived with a woman and her 18-year-old son for the last seven months. Sure, I felt very lucky to not have had to go through the whole business of moving around a lot into temporary apartments, or the stressful search for an affordable place. But, the months of isolation and feeling unwelcome have marred my overall enjoyable experience of living abroad as a foreign teaching assistant.

I don’t like to talk about it, because I want to have rosy-tinted montages in my head of my time in France, and the only reason I feel compelled to write about it at this moment, at 1 in the morning, is because I was in the middle of Skyping my boyfriend at midnight and maybe I was disturbing them, or something, but for whatever reason, without warning, they seem to have cut me off from the internet network completely. Maybe I’m just being paranoid because of my unenthusiastic opinions about them, but I am pretty sure the wireless network is still working, because I can locate its strong signal on my phone and on my computer, but I am unable to join with either device, using the password given to me at the beginning – which has worked recently for other Airbnb guests.

Let me be honest – I was trying to lower my voice! I usually keep pretty quiet! She has only had to tell me once in 7 months that I was laughing too loudly, and I was immediately quiet after that. If I was being too loud this time, no one said a thing. There was no warning whatsoever. If I had been conscious of a problem, I would have acted immediately. So, I don’t know what exactly it could have been, but I find it quite unfair, and I am quite angry now. I think I have a right to be angry, since I am still paying for this room + utilities, and I have always paid the full month, even though I’ve really only lived here 5 out of the first 7 months, and even though I am leaving a week early this 8^th month. Sadly, my feelings towards this imminent event are of anticipated relief and a certain sense of I can’t wait to get out of here. I mean, my suitcases are 80% packed. I could leave tomorrow if I had to.

Perhaps I should have left after the first 3 months, before the blinds were drawn back in my mind, and I was able to get a different view of the situation. But then again, I did not have a full grasp of the situation until it was well into January/February. Essentially, I feel like an unwanted guest who continues to overstay my welcome. Yes, my hostess is nice and well intentioned. But that’s all I ever seem to be able to say about her when people ask me how I like living here. For someone who used to host many homestay students and still hosts Airbnb guests year-round, she should be used to having guests – but maybe that’s all she really prefers – temporary guests who stay for a brief period of time, so she doesn’t have to continue a prolonged interaction with them, or to spend time with them. I had a lovely, now blighted dream about coming to France, meeting a family, becoming close with them, learning to cook from a Frenchwoman in her home, sharing meals and laughs together. The part about coming to France came true, but alas, not all dreams can come true, I suppose.

cakes, cadeaux, and classic tiramisu

Though I am not leaving Cahors yet, I have finished my contract at the lycée, and I received some going-away/thank you gifts from the teachers! Though they are from the teachers collectively, I know that one particular teacher must have selected these gifts, because I spoke with her the most, and she knew about my hobbies and interests. She knew that I was learning to cook in Cahors and her knowledge is evident in the thoughtful choices she made in gift-giving – a mold for making cannelés bordelais, a recipe book for regional French recettes, a tea towel from St. Cirq-Lapopie! I also received a beautiful book of 100 cake recipes for my birthday from the other language assistants in Cahors (♥), and a charming set of coasters printed with vintage champagne ads, from a Spanish teacher who worked with the Spanish assistant at my lycée. I will treasure these gifts forever, and am ready to throw out clothing in order to make space for them in my suitcase. =P Mille mercis, tout le monde!

As for my culinary progress, last night, my landlady and I made a classic tiramisu together. Despite all the caveats I’ve heard, tiramisu is a surprisingly simple dessert to make! It chilled overnight, and was ready for consumption by lunchtime today. An Italian student of mine also gave me her mother’s traditional tiramisu recipe, and so I will be testing that one out bientôt! I shall have to make everyone desserts to thank them for their generosity!

(i don’t want to) turn the page

and so, the end of another (too short) chapter of my life. my last day at the lycée went very, very well, but always with a shadow of sadness above my head. give me some sun!

et voilà, la fin d’un autre (trop court) chapitre de ma vie. mon dernier jour au lycée s’est passé très très bien mais toujours avec une ombre de tristesse au-dessus de ma tête. donnez-moi du soleil!  

i will always have really good memories of these welcoming, funny, smart – just super nice – people, i got really lucky when i had the opportunity to work with them! i’ll miss them a lot! and i’ll miss all my students too, and i hope that i will have the chance to meet up with them before leaving Cahors. i never like saying goodbye.

je garderai toujours des très bons souvenirs de ces gens accueillants, drôles, intelligents – juste tellement très sympas – j’ai eu vraiment de la chance quand j’ai eu l’occasion de travailler avec eux. ils vont me manquer beaucoup! et tous mes élèves vont me manquer aussi et j’espère que j’aurai l’occasion de les rencontrer avant de quitter Cahors. je n’aime jamais dire au revoir. 

reach for the stars…and eat them!

Because my time as an English assistant in France is quickly coming to an end, I decided to bake maple flavoured stars for my students, to remind them that they are all superstars with a Canadian influence (me). It’s absolute incroyable to believe that 7 months have already passed by…where has the time gone!? This is my dernière semaine at the lycée, and I wish that I could just have a little more time with my students. There are just so many other activities and games I had hoped to introduce to them! Just when I’m beginning to feel fully adjusted and comfortable with my place in the lycée, and I’m feeling greater camaraderie with students and teachers alike, I have to leave. I sense that some of my students are reluctant to see me go, and so the nostalgic and wistful feelings I have surrounding this last week are bittersweet…at least my cookies are not. =P